i have begun to relise that when i talk and look at guys i don;’t look for if they are hot. i look for boyfriend material and maybe that is bad because i have put all these ideas in my head about the perfect guy but is there really ever a perfect? or just a perfect dream? is that why all relationships end so fast? most guys win me over by being sweet and nice and hot well thats a bonus. but then it all changes when u go out it might be ok for a few days and then u relise you weren’t in it for the guy or the relaitonship but just the thought of ur perfect dream. the perfect guy or maybe the perfect attention. but it all ends and u relise that the person u thought u wanted to be with well they are still roaming around decidin if u are the perfect one. but to get to that perfect one u have to go thru these guys that don’t care about u just a good fuck. or maybe some one that will look good next to them when they are with their friends. Maybe you might have to kiss a few toads to get to the prince or some one with prince ponteintal. but then there is the question wat and who makes up the perfect prince?is it the looks, the gifts, the way they say ur beautiful. or is it the way they look into ur eyes and say u mean alot to me and i care so much for u, the fact that they are there everytime u cry even if it is their fault, the little things they do like when u hold hands they rub ur hand with their thumb it just makes u feel safe, the way they hold u tight so it feels like u don’t want to be any where else, the fact u can take one look at them and all ur problems just dissapear and for one moment in that day u smile for no reason or is the reason the fact that u have found ur perfect prince and u know it and thats wat u want for the rest of ur life or even if it is just a little taste for a little while. then there is the problem of finding ur prince knowing it is ur prince but not being able to have him or have him for a littl ewhile fall for him hard then have to let go of him, is he reall that prince if you kep fallin for him deeper and deeper but yet you know he likes u and cares for u but isn’t ready is he really ur prince when u float in and out of this depression? is he worth it all? this question is the hardest to answer every one else says he isn’t worth it or just give up but their is a connection and it is the hardest one to let go is he worth it when all u an do is cry but yet he can give u a smiple look or a hug or even a little xo with a goodbye and u get all happy for a little while and u know he is thinking of u. you can think of the past like it was just yestaday and in some peoples case it was. but what abotu those times that were so speacial with that one person and u want to live them all over again and it is impossible becase that person has gone and u know will never come back so does that make the moment any less special or more becuase it was that moment with that one special person that can not and will not be repeated. you wanna talk to them u wanna hug them again but u try so hard to avoid them because if u saw them u wouldn’t know wat to say but u would do anything to have that one last kiss and hug and even that one last smile. you look at the photos you look at the past . you relise the stuff you never use to relise or be thankful for you relise you might have been able to save it all but the turth is maybe it started off never ment to be. i wanna go back just for a second to be in his arms i wanna go back and say i love you all over again i wana go back to the little disagreemets we had over his pants being to big, or who wants a shower first you look at that thinkin wow look how much u ahve changed he has changed and how the realtionship has changed, lost and faded for forever. you can’t even bring your self to have little flings cos you feel like you are cheating ur self and him cos u know it is love and u knew it for a while but it is hurting even more now because one u can’t have it or 2 it is been and gone and that is the worst hurt.ever think that when leaving the person u say goodbye to isn’t the one that u want there when u get back. ever wanna turn back time to see what could of been if u stayed with that person. ever think that the one u think u like just disappears in ur mind when your with the one u left earlier. ever know wat it feels like to be torn to know that the one second u had left with that specail person u were fightin u were cryin then u relise that maybe it was like that thru the whole thing but why not a good goodbye why not a kiss and we can still be friends why change everythign why even end at all these are questions that can’t be answered by any one not even ur self. the i love you forever isn’t really or ever forever just another few months even years in ur life. don’t u wish that the forever would last forever wouldn’t u love it if it was true just for a part of ur life u can neva say forever when forever neva comes. and if it neva comes then forever has to end and well that forever ends but yet still lasts forever in ur heart ur not together forever but it is like a forever in ur heart it is a never ending never fading love the person has gone and has said mean things but that love that belongs in ur heart never does.then comes the i’ll love u later i am not ready when he has kept u there for months on end and the turth is u know it will neva happen but u can’t bring urself to finish it u can’t love another u can’t move on all u do is cry and cry and eat and well then u get self doubt. and self doubt with a broken heart well most don’t wanna live thru so like the peron they love they fade and most of them neva to be seen again. sure ths all sounds like it is neva true but if every one really sits there and thinks has this ever happened to me u will come up with heaps u will come up with one love that has left but love neva faded and then their is others that can think of one and then there is others that are living it now and i hope they all know that it doesn’t really get much easier and there is no way out of it no matter how strong u are there is neva a palce to hide that it won’t find you.love makes u change the person u are the person u wanna be ur whol way on life and really should to be like that what really changes a few feelings a few pieces o furnite or ur whole view on every thing to me that is a bit to mich to give why one again let love come into ur life then throw u back out to the sea of depression one more time with that neva fading love. does ur heart have a big enough capicaty for all these old and new loves the ones that have faded and will neva return but u love still now and forever. you keep finding ur self with that same statment i want u back i don’t want u to leave i will neva forget and will always love and care how can people say it but not mean it is it the turth or just another lie it isn’t helpin u or the person u are inside that u hide every time because u are scared to love after another faded love.u can’t hide it forever that persn that loves to be free but still attached it needs to be free not captured it needs u to believe in urself not love because every thime u believe in love it fades and so does the person u are cos it is to hard to throw it all away and say oh well it is just that u are attched and the person u love can throw it all away like u don’t care or either did they. the heart the soul the every thign the times u had the big questions that were asked and the litttle fights that were alwas oversome the laughs the cries the every litle thing u remeber when it is gone because u never knew u had it when u had it because it didn’t seem so big till it was all gone thrown away again.you listen to the sad songs u think and think and does it really help well sure u have time to cry ot all out but it doesnt get u happy the pain doesn’t all just suddenly stop when cry a few times it is always there and u can hide it from people and put that fake smile on ur face but u know the turth the pain inside not just that fake smile on the outside. is every thing really alright when u hae the one standin next to or huggin u or is it just another dyin fadin i will love u forever no matter wat? is there such a thing as a replacement boy that makes u smile when the real one u love isn’t around? is there ever a real boyfirend or just all these worked up feelins for people.. can u have the one u love and the replacement and ur feelin down with the other one.. or is it just more heart break on the way? you know wat kinda boy i mean the one that makes u smile and makes u feel special every time u see them jsut by seeing them. but then there is that one that is around when the one u love isn’t the placebo the replacement boyfriend.. the one that can do half that stuff but yet u still don’t have feelings for him no matter wat u say or do and it kills u in side to kno wat ur doin to him and ur self but yet u can’t go bak to the one u love cos u don’t think he really cares at all that he makes u feel specail.